I spent the morning working in my office, -- going through files, entering data, trying to get organized. When I saw my husband at lunchtime, I was in a nasty mood. I recognized it . . . so did he. It’s the mood where I’m on a seek and destroy mission to get things DONE. To finish projects, to accomplish stuff. I’m never very happy when I’m in that mood, neither is anyone who happens be close by. But I do get a lot done, so I tell myself the lousy feeling and repercussions are justified. But are they? Really?

I saw a movie the other day that revolved around one character deciding he needed to get more done before he died and so stopped being friends with the one person who really cared about him.

It got me so mad I left the room. I thought, “How could someone do that to another person? How vain and selfish and cruel of him!” But, at some level, every time I snap at someone for not getting something done on time or to my pleasing, I’m doing the same thing. Not with the drama or a screen play to record it, but still. I’m putting accomplishments ahead of relationships and feelings.

I knew I had to hit reset after lunch, so I got in my car and went to do some errands. In some of the places I’ve lived, that would have been a recipe for disaster given my mood, but here in rural Maine it was just the ticket.

‍

I chatted with the Post Office lady who is our friend (no one even grumbled in the line behind me about all the packages I was mailing). Then I went over to the little grocery store and got my groceries. When I went to pay the checkout lady said, “Hello, gorgeous!” Which was  funny seeing as I hadn’t put on make-up or even brushed my hair. Maybe it was the old flannel shirt I was wearing that she liked. It’s a pretty blue. We chatted as well, and I drove home where I saw a guy on the road who had gotten out of his car just beyond my house. I pulled over and asked if he was ok. He pointed at an old dog who was limping along the road. It turned out it belonged to our neighbors, who I called. They told me to just put him in the house, the door was open. The man in the road had stopped to make sure the dog was ok and try to help, which he did as he was able to eventually catch the dog and I was not.

As I put the groceries away and made a cup of tea, I realized the earlier foul mood had vanished, I wasn’t sure when. I’ve been working all afternoon ‘til I stopped to write this, but I’m keeping a close eye on that black cloud that seems to come along when I feel I have to accomplish things rather than just work steadily at work I love and feel privileged to be doing.

And when I finish, I may just pull my waterproof boots back on and go see if I can get the neighbor’s cat in who ran out when we put their dog inside. We’ll see…

‍